Reading a recent blog entry by Philip of Wong Fu Productions really surfaced some feelings about my own journey and my own story. Did I always have a passion to start my own clothing line? To be completely honest, the answer is no.
Much like Phil, I entered college without an idea of what I wanted to do with my life. No focus, no direction, no plan. I found myself settling for a major in Sociology. Don’t get me wrong, when I say “settling” I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the major — I mean, I studied it for four years because I thoroughly found it interesting, and like to think I apply it to how I view and perceive my world to this day — but, to be real, I knew I wasn’t going to pursue it as a career. I did have little focus, I suppose, since I minored in Business Management and actually took it more seriously than my Sociology classes (at the time, it wasn’t available as a major at UC Irvine). But even then, it was just something I did because it came natural — my parents are actually business owners of a donut shop older than myself. Studying business proved to be useful for where I’m at right now, but at the time, I really went into it pretty aimlessly. A lot of times, I find myself wishing I had paid more attention in class.
Growing up, I always did have a passion for being creative, though. My childhood was pretty sheltered compared to the normal kid, so afternoons out in the sun riding bicycles and eating ice cream actually looked a lot more like afternoons inside my bedroom with a few things lying around the house and LOTS of imagination. I have frequent flashbacks of running my own restaurant downstairs or turning my bedroom table into a check-out station. My most prized possession used to be a craft book my parents bought me from Costco; I remember making a frog-shaped door stopper out of a milk carton and crying a few days later when my mom “accidentally” threw it away. In high school, I was more excited to design my front page cover (not required, mind you) than writing the actual essay. I was more concerned with aesthetics, presentation, and making it look nice than the actual content. And when I joined my high school’s yearbook team, I finally felt like my nerdy obsession with typography and spending hours to make sure a cluster of boxes looked nice was, well… not something I had to feel bad for. I didn’t know how to use Photoshop back then, but let me tell you, I was pretty awesome at making things look good on Paint and Microsoft Word.
I can’t even count how many hours I spent making things “look nice”… and honestly, to some, it probably seemed like a waste of time. But for some reason, it was the one thing I did without much complaint. And even if no one cared or noticed my efforts (“oh… yeah, that’s pretty cool I guess”), I got this overwhelming feeling of accomplishment after I’d complete something. I have a small manila folder with very few items I’ve kept from high school… 90% of them are design/creative-based.
So, knowing that much about me and my past, you’re probably thinking… ‘sounds a lot like you DID have a passion.’ And yeah, I did. I had a passion for being creative, but at the time, had no idea how that translated into a career. To be completely honest, I probably shied away from the possibility of pursuing anything related to the arts. Call it fear of failure, call it whatever you want. But it’s funny that I doubted myself the most in the thing I enjoyed doing the most… that’s probably when I should’ve realized it was my passion.
And still… while “being creative” was something I enjoyed doing, it didn’t directly translate into a career. I went through my four years in college hoping it would just come to me. I dabbled in the idea of interior design for a while and even interned under a wedding planner one summer… but nothing satisfied me or seemed like a perfect fit, and it was frustrating. I graduated from UC Irvine in 2008 without a job and without a plan. I was sad to move out of my apartment that summer and decided to post photos of my bedroom to a decor community. Lo and behold, most of the positive comments that flowed in were directed to a simple painting I made to match my bedspread. Questions of where I had purchased it, if I made it myself, or if I was selling it flooded my inbox. Suddenly, I became obsessed with playing around with that very idea, and on July 11, 2008 I sold my very first painting. Paintings were a luxury item though and sold slowly, so I started making them into buttons, stationary, and art prints… and that slowly moved into hand painting tote bags and making wooden block prints. It wasn’t until nine months later that I finally started playing around with the idea of printing tshirts, and in April 2009, I bought my first “makeshift” screen printing machine… and the rest is history.
Back then it was just something I wanted to experiment with. Little did I know I’d end up retiring my paintbrushes and taking on the clothing full-time… worrying about seasonal collections, photoshoots, and, well… clothing people.
I don’t even consider myself a very fashionable person… so was having my own clothing brand my passion? No, it wasn’t. But I chased the idea that it could be something, I chased the chance to be creative constantly, to be challenged constantly… and yes, I became passionate about it. This journey began with a simple painting I made when I was bored, but I didn’t even truly enjoy painting (it actually kind of stressed me out) simply because I was untrained and didn’t think I was any good. But I put myself out there anyway, let people’s encouragement guide me down a path, and let it mold into whatever it felt it should. Now, it’s become my life and very much an extension of who I am. So, do I think you need to have everything answered to end up where you want to be? Do you even need to know where you want to be to begin with? Do I even know if this is the end for me? No, I don’t. But I do think you need to figure out what it is you enjoy doing — even if you don’t find it profitable — and just do it. I do think you need to stop worrying about a few years from now and worry about NOW, and jump at chances, take up opportunities… even if you feel like a fool doing it. It took me a few months to tell my friends that I was selling things online, and now they probably wished I’d just shut up.
I tell people all the time that this was unintentional and it just kind of happened. But it wouldn’t have happened without a bit of chasing, without a bit of wishful thinking and blind faith.
I’m letting my path unfold beneath me without trying to spoil the ending… and I’m ok with that.
